Do you ever have one of those days where you just question everything? I sure hope I am not the only one! Today is definitely one of those days for me. It is like a battle in my head about everything in my life. The one thing that is and always will be a constant in my life, that I never question, is Nick. Everything else? I go back and forth with a hundred thousand times until I drive myself CRAZY! The thing I totally realize and have to tell myself frequently is that I am the only one that can control my happiness. I hate to be one of those people that complains about things when no one but me can fix them, but it's my blog, and that is what I feel like blogging about today. :)
My job...sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Is this really what I want to do with the rest of my life? How do you ever decide what you want to do with your life? What if I find something different and end up hating it even more? The fact that you spend more waking hours at your job and with your co-workers than you do at your home with your spouse and children makes this dilemma huge to me! I don't want to be one of those people that just does something for umpteen years just because. I want to do something I am totally passionate about, but what would that be? Exercising and trying to lead a healthy lifestyle? Yes, but is that something that is in high demand in Oskaloosa, IA, not so much. And if I spent all my time teaching other people the right moves to tone their buns and thighs, would I still enjoy toning my own? Who knows?! This could go on and on, so I will just move on to the next topic.
My house...sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. It feels so childish to even complain about my house. Our house is a great starter home! I always have to stop and think back to what my parents had when they were my age, it wasn't nearly as nice as this! There are so many things that make me crazy about this house though! It has ZERO character!! I know that if I was some fantastic decorator then I could fix that, but I'm not!!! We've lived here for about 2 1/2 years now and it has never been just how I want it to be. The problem with putting a lot of time and money into it now is that we probably won't be there much more than 2 more years and what if those decor elements don't work as well in our next house? Silly dilemma I know, but I'm just putting it all out there!
Kids...I love babies and toddlers. 7-16 year olds...not so much! So will I eventually get over that when our kids are that age?? And I must say I have to agree with my husband that I think I would really rather it just "accidentally" happen then say, yep, we're really gonna try. Because really, are you ever totally ready? I mean I think I am ready and then I think, man, look how easy our lives are now? It will NEVER be the same again once we have children!! I spent 1 1/2 to 2 hours at the gym each day...will I be able to do that? Not as easily! We back up a cooler and a beach bag and head out on the boat for the entire day each Sunday when the weather cooperates. Will we be able to do that? Yes, but a lot more work and effort will have to go into it. I just fully understand that our lives are sooooooo simple now and that will change completely once we see that little plus sign on a stick.
I could go on and on and on about the battles that are constantly going on in my mind, but I have probably rambled enough. Although it is my blog, I do have that privilege, if you are bored, you can just stop reading. It feels good to express some of these things. My poor hubby gets really tired of listening I'm sure. It is just his nature to fix things, and as I said before I completely understand that these are things only I can change and do anything about!
Well, on a lighter note, it's FRIDAY!!!!! Only a few more days of tax season and then maybe I won't be surrounded by a bunch of grumps at work anymore!! :)
Happy Friday all!!
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